After an okay night of sleep and a fairly uneventful morning (a huge answer to prayers) with some visits from family and friends and a new bed for me (thanks Tony, Cara, and Donna!!)...the wheels have fallen off. Kate was feeling what she described as cramps, and after being monitored for about 30 minutes, the nurses called in one of the doctors because of more regular contractions. The doctor checked Kate's cervix and she has dilated to 2-3 cm. So we are back down on the labor and delivery floor, and Kate is back on magnesium. Sadly, we are fast becoming pros at this. We know she is going to get warm, throw-up, lose the ability to walk by herself and keep her eyes open...at least on the higher dose. The same doctor (a new face to us) said that they will be checking Kate again in about 1-2 hours to see if she has dilated any further. He said that if she gets to 5-6 cm, it is time to throw in the towel and deliver these babies. He said they would not deliver the babies until the entire neonatal unit is assembled. Kate and I are terrified. We just wanted to recharge our batteries after a long week, and now we are talking about delivering the twins again. When is this going to stop? We know that God is here, we know that He is in control, we know He loves us and our sons...but we can't feel it right now. The next step on this path is unknown.
Lord, we want to feel in our hearts the things You promised...that You would never leave or forsake us. We know these things with our heads...we need to feel it in our hearts. Make Your presence known so that we can feel that You are in control. It feels like things are heading the wrong direction and we desperately need to feel Your arms around us, and especially around our little boys. Send Your angels to protect them Lord. Hold Katie firmly in Your arms. She needs Your strength to fight these contractions again and weather the side effects of the mag. I am continually praying the words from a Mercy Me song that has meant so much over the last number of days:
Help is on the way
He has come to save the day
What I've learned in my life,
the one thing greater than my strife
Is YOUR grasp
So hold fast
Lord we need to feel Your grasp. We are holding fast...so come to save the day. You have taken us to a place where the doctors are perplexed, they are on plan E and cannot figure Kate out. Step in God. Work a miracle that cannot be described as anything less than a "God thing". We are scared Lord. I know we will look back on this time and realize that there was only one set of footprints in the sand because You were carrying us through these trials...but we want to feel that now. Not later. Take Your eyes and Your guardian angels from me...I will walk this alone...but carry Kate and our boys. Let me go and hold them tight. You have calmed greater waters, and higher mountains have fallen at Your hand. So calm these waters and carry Kate and our sons safely to the other side of the mountain. The contractions have become painful for Kate and she is so scared. Carry her to a safe place where she does not have to be scared. Tell her You are near and hold our boys in Your mighty hand.