Some good, some bad

We got the results of the boys' heart and brain ultrasounds.  Both boys have PDA, which means that the valve that is supposed to close at birth in a full-term baby has not closed.  That is not good news, but we were probably expecting to hear that.  The brain scan for Wes was great, no evidence of bleeding at all.  Max's brain scan showed roughly the same thing the last scan showed, which is good also.  That means that the hemorrhage is not actively bleeding.  This is key because the doctors can treat the PDA with medicine to try and get the valve to close, but only if there is no active bleeding because the medicine reduces the amount of platelets in the blood, so clotting becomes more difficult.  We are happy with these results.  The brain bleeding cannot be stopped or treated in kids this size, but the PDA is very common and very treatable.  We certainly pray that the medicine (which they have already started to administer, it is given every 24 hours for three days which equals one "course" of treatment) is able to cause the valve to close.  The doctors said that they can try the medicine for up to 3 "courses", but after that, surgery will be the likely method of closure.  Do to the delicacy of their skin, this would not be done for 10-14 days.  Overall, the boys had a good day.  Wes continues to need only "room air" or 21% oxygen to keep the ratio of oxygen to carbon dioxide in his blood where the doctors like it to be.  Max has consistently been in the 25% range, but they did have to bump him up a bit this evening into the 35% range because his oxygen saturation dropped a bit.  They have both been fed breast milk directly into their stomachs now for more than 24-hours.  They have tolerated this well so far, but we are still waiting for Wes to have a BM.  The doctors and nurses do not seem terribly concerned about this yet, but they are keeping an eye on it.

We were sad to hear that Kate is healing so well that they kicked us out today.  We thought that we were going to have another day there because of the length of time Kate has been on bed rest, so we were not mentally prepared to come home.  It turned out to be a very difficult trip.  We hung out with the boys a lot today and went back down to see them after dinner.  We prayed with them and loaded up and came home.  Kate was very emotional about leaving the hospital and being so far away from the little guys.  We realize that their livelihood's are in the hands of their Abba Father, but there was a lot of security for Kate and I in being so close.  When we got off the highway at the 16th street exit, the tears started to flow. In our dreams, we would be coming home from the hospital with Max and Wes sleeping in their car seats.  The reality is that we will be commuting 30+ minutes to spend time with the boys for many many months.  In the same breath we are praising God for the gift He gave us with these two amazing little boys and we just love them so much.  It is such a strange mix of emotions which apparently manifest themselves in the form of tears.  I probably should have pulled over because I could hardly see through the tears, and I am fairly sure I killed a small animal with my car.  We pulled into the garage and just wept.  We almost left to go back to the hospital because the thought of going into the house and seeing the nursery and the empty cribs just seemed like too much.  After we prayed and asked God for the strength we would need to handle the physical separation from Max and Wes we decided to go inside.  We were bracing for a crushing wave of emotions, but what we felt was a surge of love.  Our house had been cleaned up, people had purchased food (thanks Mom and Dad and some other food fairy), my sister dropped of a pump that one of her friends lent to Kate...all things that made "coming home" a lot more bearable.  I know for a fact that this place looked like a pig sty after Kate had not been home for 20-days and I had only stopped by to shower and change my clothes.  Then I went outside to get some stuff and noticed that someone or something anonymously edged the landscape all the way around our house and put down all new bark.  Kate and I really almost feel embarrassed.  What did we ever do to deserve all of this love, kindness and selflessness?  Our feeling is that we did nothing to deserve it.  What an amazing representation of Christ's love for His people.  We hear society say things like, "how can you believe in a god that you cannot see?"  I wish that those people could see the world through my eyes.  I cannot turn my head without seeing God.  I see Him in Max and Wes, in Kate, our families, our friends, in emails, posts on this blog, in fresh food in our fridge, and bark in our yard.  Thank-you all for being Jesus to Kate, myself and our sons.  And thank-you God for being so very different and so much bigger than we can imagine.  We are sinners that deserve nothing but an eternity in Hell, but Christ loved you and I so much that He selflessly gave His life for us.  Now that I am the father of two precious boys, Jesus' sacrifice on the cross has become even more unbelievable to me.  I would give my life for either of my two boys without a seconds notice.  God the father watched his son Jesus die on a cross for me, and He held the power to change the circumstances and did not.  What I once thought was an amazing story of God's love for His people has, over the last 4 days, become and unfathomable story.  Because if it was my son on that cross and I held the ability to save him at the expense of every believer and non-believer on this earth...we would all be going to hell.  I will spend my life wondering how You could do that, because my human mind cannot comprehend a love that deep and that wide.  I pray that I will spend that same life glorifying Your name because of that love.